Since You Went Away



Since you've been away with the measles or the mumps
Or whatever gave you all the lumps
Watching out the window you couldn't know what we've been through
So I've gathered all the news for you

You remember the trouble in our local argument
The conference in David's yard about disarmament
Nothing good has happened since the talks got underway
Everybody talked at once so no one got his say

Everybody was fighting over how to stop all fights
And making sure that no one else would have too many rights
Once the neighbors almost had to call in the police
When Homer bit his brother just for criticizing peace

If I didn't know you as a hopeless optimist
I would spare you all the stuff you missed
But you're so decent I have tried to brighten your debut
And I've gathered all the news for you

We confirmed on getting rid of Cameron's baseball bat
Kimmy's slingshot, Mark's harpoon,  and Nancy's redwood slat
For weapons to abolish a reasonable amount
But after all the talking here's the latest weapons count

Three slingshots instead of one and seven baseball bats
And Nancy's got her a lumberyard of thirteen redwood slats
And Mark has made some more harpoons and hidden them away
And now we're all so scared we simply don't come out to play

Now that you're all better from the measles or the mumps
Or whatever gave you all the lumps
Maybe you'll reciprocate if I ever catch the flu
And cheer me up as I did you